Mmmm, Cornflakes

For the past 25 years I have had a cornflake stuck between my eyes. The common reaction to this statement is disbelief but I swear it's the whole truth. I distinctly remember sitting in front of the television while eating dry cereal. I don't remember what I was watching but If I had to guess I'd say Sesame Street. I was rubbing the dry cornflakes into my face, enjoying the crispy texture. My mom told me it was everything she could do to keep me from putting my feet in whatever I was eating. I liked to feel the warmth or coolness of my entrees between my toes. It's like now when I'm taking an evening stroll on the beach- I like to spread my toes in order to feel the gritty coolness of the sand.

So, while I was exploring the cuisine sensations I decided to try to stick one in my eye. A cornflake, that is. So I started pressing slowly but steadily into the corner of my eye next to my nose. I pushed and pushed until the cornflake was gone. When I realized what I had done I panicked. I ran into the kitchen where my mom was washing dishes and I hurriedly explained to her that I had accidentally lost a cornflake in my eyeball. Now, as I remember it, my mom listened politely and then dismissed me back into the living room to finish my meal. In retrospect, I was probably going through that very young child stage where nobody understands what you're saying. I remember seeing a mom with her son in a grocery store once. They were in line ahead of me and as the mom loaded the food onto the register belt, her son struck up a conversation with me while strapped into the seat of the cart (or buggy, as old people say). This little guy rattled on and on about something very important to him. He made gestures and pointed to his knee and even laughed once as if he'd told a joke. I, however, didn't understand a word of it. I think that's probably how my mom felt.

So, I went on thinking that my cornflake situation was no big deal, due to the reaction I got from my mother. Days past, then months, then years. I know what you must be thinking. Cornflakes are perishable and it is probably gone by now. Well, it's not. I can feel it in there still; it's a part of me now. What I think happened was the cornflake acted as a sort of dam between my eyes. It created a clot between my sweat pores and my tear ducts and caused a, sort of, drought between my eyes. As time went by the cornflake dried out like a flower petal and, since it has never been disrupted, it remains in a mummified state exactly where I shoved it so many years ago. In fact, it has taken a permanent residence and has become an important part of who I am. I think if I removed it now it would be just like removing a nail from a car tire. The nail was never supposed to be there, but now it is keeping the tire inflated.

So, here I am, just a girl who happens to have a 25 year old cornflake stuck between her eyes. People ask, does being part human part cereal make me genetically superior? Well, I'm not sure, but I know it can't hurt. Cereal is delicious.